Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hurting

Lately I've been having problems with my boyfriend. Problems that needs to change to make this relationship stronger, but I don't see him changing at all. I tried to talk to him about the issue and how he's gonna need to make some changes in his behavior. He's so freaking hard-headed though. On Sunday I was so upset about how he's been treating me lately that I walked out on him. I freaking walked my ass to 3rd & Tasker and caught the bus straight home. It was the first time I've done that and I just knew at that moment that I needed to get away. I thought it was over for good. It was just too much for me ... Today we finally talked. We tried to talk to talk it out and I did see some changes in his voice. By the time I got home and talked to him about it ...it felt as if he was a whole different person. I could tell that he wasn't even going to change.

What pisses me off most is how his mother commented about everything. She told him to go find himself a girl from Cambodia instead. That just made me pissed off to the point where I just wanted to punch the wall. Now I know for sure that she wanted me gone in her son's life. Man I don't hate her but ...I don't know. I just don't like the way she thinks of everything. She just has her own way of things. Like she wants her son to fucking have feelings for her own flesh and blood; her niece. Who the hell thinks like that? That really pisses me off to the point where I just wanted to scream from the top of my lung! I just wanna move far far away from everyone. I bet they wouldn't give a fuck about me anymore. How are we ever going to think about the future if she's never going to let us have one? I know she's never going to accept me. I know she's never going to come to my house and ask my mom to marry me. She doesn't even care for her son's happiness. I'm just crying so much right now cause this shit fucking hurts. I hate it! I hate feeling so low ....I don't even wanna live right now. I hate my fucking life!

I don't know anymore. Am I wasting 2 1/2 yrs of my life with someone who's not even going to "TRY" to make this work? It's all about fun and games with him, he never take anything serious.
There's that saying .."Never settle for less then what you deserve." I'm starting to feel like I'm not even that worthy ...

1 comment:

GiLiNG said...

aw hun
u deserve much better
if he's not willing to change
or at least compromise, then maybe he's not the ONE
fuck what his mom thinks, if he wants things to work out as much as you do then it WILL
in a relationship, both people need to work at it
since he's not being the MAN he's supposed to be, he's not worth feeling like shit for
chin up and i hope u feel better
:)